These desks are made of
Wood as dead as autumn trees
As November fades
All winter I sat
Finally caught your eye and winked
That’s when the spark caught
When the snow melted
With the petals we blossomed
So fast and so strong
The warm sun had us
Wrapped around its fingers and
It was decided
Through dying trees and
Storms so rough the sun we’ll feel
Forever on us
Carol, I'm happy to see some new poems from you, but arriving late, it looks like others in your group have already made their comments. Let me try to help.
ReplyDeleteHere you offer us a set of haiku that closely follow two of the three main features of haiku and somewhat follow the third (and arguable most important one) "the cut."
The two conventions that you closely follow are the seasonal reference (autumn obviously) and the syllabic count. Good job in sticking with these. I noticed that you used enjambment to create a sense of speed in some of these haiku. That is an unusual method, but it actually fits with the original form, which was read all at once, not with pauses between line breaks.
As for "the cut," I sense one in poems two, three, and four, and I sense it most strongly in poem two. Poem two as a clear cut regarding the progress of a romance, though I confess I wondered about the wink. Do people really do this? I guess I think of winking at someone as a bit odd/cliched.
My favorite one is poem four. This one has a great line about the sun wrapping its fingers. That is vivid and draws me in. The ending is mysterious, but the warmth that precedes it makes me thing the poem continues the romantic theme and is about deciding to take the relationship a step further, because of the warmth the two feel between each other.
Anyway, some good stuff here, and it would be interesting to see if you can enhance the "snap" that the cut in haiku is supposed to deliver--the juxtaposition of two gestures that leads to a snap of understanding. Good luck!